Image, Poker and Getting Lost

Image

so, I am taking this opportunity to change my image. let's face it - it has needed an overhaul for quite awhile. but the thing is, when you are in the same place, around the same people - changing is difficult. your comfortable where you are and if you do change, there is usually a running commentary about the change, if it is good or bad, etc. too much pressure to pull off a good change, or acceptable change.
now moving offers a once in a new city moving opportunity to change a little or a lot and nobody knows the difference. I jumped right in and did a somewhat major overhaul, with hints of old, comfortable clothing thrown in. skirts, leggings, and dresses are becoming more prominent, while the day-in-day-out of t-shirts, baggy shorts and all-black is finding its way out. the key is:confidence. no one has seen you in these clothes, no one knows anything different and in a town where anything goes...if you wear it with confidence, "own it", no one knows that you just started to care about what you have on. no judgements, no commentary...the beauty in silence. for example: I am sitting in a coffee shop wearing a jean skirt, black leggings, converse sneakers, and a plaid purple tunic with a black belt around my natural waist....

Poker

as you all know, I have been job hunting. lots of interviews...one offer. now, for very logical reasons, I have decided not to take the job. crazy...i know. but the thing is, I want to be sure that the job I get is something I am going to enjoy, support and work hard at. that was not the case, so I folded on that play, hoping to dealt a better hand. the problem is, poker is gambling and, as the saying goes, the house always wins. let's hope I get dealt a good hand and don't lose it all...

Getting Lost

it took me 10 years, driving, biking, walking and bus riding to figure out Madison. now I am here, in Portland, with no short cuts or landmarks to call upon, driving around using the best that Google map has to offer and turning around, getting lost, finding my way and doing it all over again....
one day I will have my confidence back, but for now I prefer walking to driving and am scared to bike...ahhh, new places.

Welcome to Portland

I have now been living in Portland for two days (more or less). Has it become anymore real? Absolutely not. I am hoping the interviews and prospective job offers will bring reality crashing down. Right now it still feels like I am a tourist, stumbling my way through the city and trying to not break too many traffic laws or make too many people mad.

So far, I have seen Multnomah Falls, walked around the neighbor, found a grocery store - but heard there are better ones around, gone to Target and driven to different parts of town via Interstates, highways and bridges. So, one would think that my new reality would be settling right in, but alas, the slightly disconnected, jaw dropped in awe feeling persist.

I also have made friends with the two cats in the house - they like my room more than they like me, but I am working on it. I may need to buy some catnip, tuna or fruit snacks to entice them into my favor (yes - some cats like fruit snacks, or at least my cat did growing up).

One advantage of applying for After School programs - I will only have to dress up for the interview, after that its back to jeans and hooded sweatshirts.

Now to continue the work of applying for and interviewing for jobs...more applications to fill out and offices to call. Hopefully my luck will continue and I will find my way around the city...

Breathing Again

Yesterday we conquered Montana, followed by small portions of Idaho and Washington. I take back everything bad I have ever said about Montana driving. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Big grassy spaces, only broken by the occasional cow and rusted out farm equipment. The gradual rises and falls of the land give you the chance to see the broad, open spaces than pull you into the details of valleys, rivers and bluffs. Than, in the distance, like a storm cloud gathering on the horizon, the mountains. Almost out of nowhere they appear: first in front of you so you think you are going to drive right into them, and than a curve in the road and you pass by their splendor.

Key notes about driving in overpacked, small cars - downshifting is your friend. Don't expect to go very fast through the pass, but instead see it as a time to take in the scenery. Small, tight roads that curve through pine trees, rock walls and next to drop-offs that take your breath away and make you hold tight to the steering wheel. And than, when you think the passes are just rocks and trees and road - Coeur D'Alene lake appears out of nowhere; both sides of the road and surrounding by half-hidden houses on the bluffs.

I have decided to go old school with this trip and use a film camera (I will give you a moment to recover). I don't get a lot of shots, due to the fact that I am driving, but am excited for the pics that come from this trip. The problem is: you can never capture the full beauty and vastness of the west with pictures - the lens space is too small, the colors are never just right and its hard to get that "wow" feeling on film.

I arrive today - to a new house, new life and hopefully soon, a new job. Since leaving the midwest, I have felt like I can finally start to breathe again. I am arriving to a place where I might actually belong. It's like I have been trapped for so long and now can finally stretch and move freely - maybe there is just more space out west.

'Til another day, happy reading and get off your computers and find a friend, a coffee shop and some amazing conversation.

First Day of Travel - 900 miles from Madison

The traveling actually started on Friday...but that portion was still in the midwest and, in my book, doesn't quite count as road trip material. So, after picking up a friend, touring an astonishing lab (most of which I don't understand) and traveling west. Interstate 94 is my new home for the weekend and so far it has treated my nicely. Lots of passing cars and being passed (which is also disappointing); finding out along the way that due to the weight of my worldly possessions and the hard and fast Zephyr wind, my gas milage has gone from 350-500 miles to 150-200 miles. This is not good news for my travel costs or my ecological footprint.

Key notes about traveling west. People are horrible to just lazy drivers. When you pass someone, that's not the end of it and should keep your eyes behind you as they will soon show up and pass you (like a sick, extended game of leap frog). The west is almost unending and landmarks (or anything interesting) is more interesting than it would be in normal day-to-day travel. At scenic spots, tourists don't know how to follow basic safety rules and have less impulse control than a small child. And lastly, hotel's online pics are never even close to reality and one must hope that once you arrive, it's not too sketchy.

So, that is the first full day of travel. The events that started the trip did not continue my bad luck with traveling and so far, it has been great. Here's to tomorrow.